Yes, You're a Homophobe

This post is dedicated to my fearless friend Michelle - an individual who stands up for what she believes in and those she loves no matter what.  Special thanks to Feminism and Religion for always being a space where my voice and the voices of others are welcome!

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A line has been drawn in the sand between those who support gay rights and those who do not.  While some call it being on the “right side of history,” I simply now refer to it as not sounding and looking like a bigot in the halls of history and in the various books, Facebook posts, and Tweets that our children will one day read.

I’ve spent a lot of my activist life attempting to educate or save for lack of a better term, individuals who say hateful things similar to Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson.In a recent GQ profile, the patriarch of the A&E series called being gay a “sin” and compared the sexual action between same sex individuals to bestiality.  Robertson said:

“It seems like, to me, a vagina – as a man –would be more desirable than a man’s anus.  That’s just me.  I’m just thinking: There’s more there!  She’s got more to offer…But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man.  It’s just not logical…Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there.  Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”
 (Note: The rainbow colors were added by me)

While this may seem like a run of the mill statement coming from someone with this man’s views and beliefs, his statement has created quite the controversy as he has been placed on permanent suspension from the show, his family refuses to film without him (something that is economically harmful to A&E since the show has broken many broadcast ratings records pertaining to reality shows and is a proverbial cash cow for the network and their investors) and, the craziest point of all, the people defending him are stating that his statement isn’t homophobic but rather an expression of his deeply held religious beliefs.

While I would usually just brush off the man’s statements as the actions of another delusional homophobe, I can no longer sit idly by when statements like his not only influence my personal life but also the way in which my human rights are restricted by a man who influences millions of people who tune into watch him on a weekly basis and buy his family’s countless products.

Does being against gay people make you a homophobe?  Yes.  Does being against gay marriage make someone anti-gay? Yes.  It is that simple.  We live in a country and exist in an academy where we can’t make value statements against those individuals standing on the wrong side of history and totally taking advantage and profiting from the homophobia they produce and I have a problem with that.

People are forming a metaphorical human shield around Robertson and the rest of his Duck Dynasty clan and I’m here to say that those individuals, defending him and toting the declaration that homosexuality is a sin are on the wrong side of history and people will not forget who stood on what side of that proverbial line in the sand when this is all over.

I no longer feel the need to save people who feel the same way as Robertson.  I no longer feel the need to educate them about how I am just like them but I just happen to like boys.  I no longer feel the need to explain, over and over again, that although Pope Francis stated: “If someone is gay and seeks the Lord with good will, who am I to judge?” it doesn’t make the Catholic church or any other similar fundamentalist or conservative faith-based tradition any less homophobic than they have been or erase the violent and hateful history to those groups who didn't fit their definition of normal.  

Is Pope Francis’ statement groundbreaking?  Yes.  Has Pope Francis, being the leader of the Catholic church and major social, political, and cultural influencer changed any type of church dogma pertaining to homosexuality?  No – and that’s the problem.  People and groups in power need to create the change that we all need to see in the world and until they and their cohorts are willing to do that, I will not sit idly by and feel bad for calling someone or something a homophobe and leaving it at that.  The time has come for activists from all walks of life, who no longer are willing to sit by and watch as their rights are taken away from them, to take up the reins and finish the hard work that our brother and sisters and not only fought but also died for. 

Lately, this problem has become all too personal.  From Facebook status’ that declare Robertson and his clan have the right to say whatever they want because the Bible told them so, to individuals who are openly upset (as they should be) about his statements, I know now that we no longer can live in a society where people can walk the line of the homosexuality argument, examine both sides, and come to the conclusion that it is wrong based on scripture – when you’re against homosexuality and you base your reasoning on your faith that God condemns it or that you’re simply following the teaching of Jesus, you’re wrong.  Jesus never said anything about homosexuality and Jesus, a man who hung out with the poor and downtrodden, wouldn’t be hanging out with Robertson and his homophobic brood who openly preach hate.  Jesus loved sinners and Jesus would rather be dancing with me in West Hollywood on a Friday night than lugging through a swamp luring ducks into a trap with a duck caller made by a clan who think that my sexual actions are similar to that of an individual having sex with an animal.

Call me simplistic or call me a reductionist, but whether or not you call someone a faggot to their face or behind their back doesn't make you any less homophobic.  Using hegemonic biblical texts that no longer define or reflect the views of many individuals from all walks of life fighting for gay and lesbian rights and emphasizing the correct usage of genitalia that deduce a minority class of citizens down to nothing more than whom they decide to love is homophobia plain and simple.  

Just like radical feminists in the 1970s who no longer stood by as patriarchal forces took away their personal, political, bodily, and social autonomy to the ways that African American refused to be silent about how they had (and have continued to be treated) by racists, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual men and women can no longer remain still in the face of targeted hateful attacks upon our communities. Until religion, politics, and society treat LGBTQIA people as equals no one is safe and until people are held accountable, both publicly and privately, for their actions and statements, this world will never change.

I recently tweeted that: “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck; and in this case, its most likely a family full of homophobes hiding behind a statement that lies near the condemnation of shellfish.”  I stand behind this statement and I stand behind the millions of LGBTQIA people who know more about G-d’s love than a man and family who claim to be deeply religious.

Although I find it difficult to understand at times, I respect the position of those individuals and groups that frequently contribute to this blog who choose to remain in these types of traditions and fix the various problems equal rights activists must overcome from the inside.  I am clearly not from this camp and although I claim no religious identity, I do respect their call to action to make a difference in many of the conservative religious and faith-based communities I may and may not have mentioned above.  From the fight for women’s rights to the inclusion of LGBTQIA people in religious communities, the fight for equality, in my opinion, needs a flare of the radical.  Historically, I would call this the Alice Paul vs. Carrie Chapman Catt debacle – while some individuals choose to cozy up to those individuals in power and work for change from the inside out there are those who will literally starve themselves to death just for the ability to taste freedom.  Both are valid and worthy of respect but what one, at the end of the day, will achieve the equality we all so crave? 

If the Duck Dynasty debacle has taught us anything, it isn’t that we live in a country where people like Phil Robertson (and many others) have the ability to say whatever they want by hiding behind the Bible but rather the fact that there are millions of people who only wish to have the same inalienable rights as he does and solely takes for granted.  To be able to walk down the street holding the hand of the one you love is a great feeling and an action that some of us aren't able to perform without fear.  

Truths My Mother Taught Me

Today is my mother's birthday and I'm so lucky that I have a space like Feminism and Religion to talk about not only her but also my journey.

Happy Birthday Mom!  I love you!

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The first question I always get asked when I’m in feminist spaces is: “What inspired you to become a feminist?”  Although I could go into the various histories revolving around men’s involvement in the early stages of the women’s movement to the similarities between the LGBTQ and women’s movements, my simple answer has always relied on one person: my mother. 

I’ll be the first to admit (as well as many other people who will join me in the same chorus) that my mother deserves Sainthood for having put up with all the shenanigans I put [and still continue to put] her through.  From running away from our local Catholic church the moment she dropped me off at Sunday School, to swearing like a sailor on leave at a very early age in front of Father Schmidt (who still fondly remembers me and the list I brought in with me to the confessional booth), I taught my mother a few things I do not believe she would had ever thought she'd know during her lifetime. 

Although I pride myself on my rejection of religion, the best lessons that I’ve learned ultimately deal with and relate to the thing I thought I swore off long ago.  I am a feminist because of a Catholic woman who refused to take no for an answer on Sunday mornings because going to church wasn’t about listening to the Priest but rather listening to and learning from the woman who brought me there.  I may have hated sitting in the pews every Sunday but it was there, in that space, where I began to learn what I now love so much.  Though some people may refer to this as lived religion, I suggest that it is more relatable when we refer to it as experiencing religion.  Lived religion, for me, implies past tense, something we’ve studied or done years, days, or even minutes ago.  Experiencing religion is an on-going process, one that happens in the now rather than in the future.  My mother left me when two other truths I’ll never forget:

1.)  Love is love, whether divine or earthly, love does conquer all.
2.)  Trust G-d by trusting in yourself. 

I still remember the day my mother drove away, leaving her baby and only son behind to pursue his dreams of getting a graduate degree in Women’s Studies.  I was scared and I didn’t know whether or not I’d come running home to Wisconsin a week later.  

As the white P.T. Cruiser we rented pulled out of the graduate housing complex I lived in, her words: “I’m so lucky to have a son like you,” resonated in my head.  For the first time, I felt some semblance of divinity watching over me because I trusted my choice and myself.  Trusting in myself led me to find G-d in whatever form he or she chooses to greet me in, I just have to be willing to open the door.

I’m still reminded of my mother’s parting words and the feeling I got each time I board a plane to go wherever those dreams and choices take me.  However, this time, instead of hearing her say that she is the lucky one, I just chuckle, and smile as the plane lifts off the ground, and realize that it is I who is the lucky one. 

I never gave much credence to religion but through my mother, I met G-d, and through her I understood that I’m not a feminist because of the books I’ve read or the degrees I acquire but rather because of the woman I call mom. 

Happy Birthday Mom!  I wish I was there to celebrate with you in Wisconsin.

The Hot Seat

I've kept quiet during the whole #Hugogate that has taken the feminist blogosphere by storm.  Although I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I took a moment to step back, examine the situation, and think about the next step not only for myself but also for all of those who identify as feminists and happen to be men just like me.  Men are here, doing good work, and making strides towards equality alongside women and yes, we can be angry over what happened, but lets use that as a force for good and overcome this pain and anger and continue to create a world that we all want to live and work in together, rather than further apart.  As always, thanks to Feminism and Religion for not only having faith in me since the start of the project but also for continuing to have faith in me and the work I do. 

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I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a male feminist lately.  As the only man to be a permanent blogger on this very site until my colleague and friend Kile Jones came on board, I took my role, as a man in a traditional feminist (online) space very seriously.  Although the ongoing struggle to be a male feminist is one continually wrought with dialogues about power and positionality (amongst a host of many other topics), I am often conflicted when I see male feminists take advantage and destroy the hard work that many, specifically on this site and beyond, worked hard to build and defend.

Not wanting to reopen old wounds or start new online battles, men have been involved in feminism for quite some time.  From James Mott chairing the first women’s rights convention, to radical feminist Andrea Dworkin’s life partner John Stoltenberg, to Michael Kimmel and Michael Kaufman’s life long work to legitimizing not only men in feminism but also what it means to be a man who works for gender equality, being a man in feminism isn't easy and that’s how it is supposed to be.

I’ve wrote on this blog that men often have to deal with an internalized misogyny that is a born characteristic trait that imparts that idea that men are not only dominant but also more powerful than women so they should, naturally, be atop of the proverbial pecking order.  This internalized misogyny leads many men, who already or want to exist in feminist spaces, to speak up more than the women in the room when they should really be listening.   However, what is more important than this internalized misogyny is how men, specifically, male feminists, fall victim to their ego by wanting to be the sole male feminist.

While I still believe that men are endowed with these characteristics as a result of purposeful and subconscious cultural, societal and religious imagery that shows men as Gods, it is important to realize that while there the image of the one God may be something that many men idealize and aspire to, the idea of the one male feminist doesn't exist and it is not supposed to.  Those who strive to be the male feminist are doomed to fail and they hurt those who came along for their ego driven ride and the feminist cause they sought to be a part of.

When it comes to leading, men are told to get to the front of the line no matter what the cost or who they hurt and women are told to take a backseat  However, when it comes to feminism, especially men in feminism, men must to go to the back of the bus first and work their way up to the front fully knowing that although they may never reach that coveted front seat, the work they did to help the cause was just as important because equality doesn't mean anything when there is only one voice screaming from the rafters.

Hopefully the hurt that has been caused as of late can be healed and as a result more men join the cause to stop all forms of injustice that threaten not only women’s equality but also equality for all, no matter what.